How to do a pre-Clean anti-cleanse....based on true events!

It just so worked out that a week before my big 3 week cleanse, we were packing up the family and doing a 5 day family road trip to my niece Sydney's bat mitzvah in New Jersey.  A great opportunity to eat and drink whatever crap you want in anticipation of the upcoming Clean diet!  And so based on my past 5 days, here's how to do an Anti-Cleanse should you be so inclined:)

1.  Go to Whole Foods and buy whatever cookies, chips and colorful drinks they have to offer.  I recommend buying drinks with the word vitamin on it, and organic 'oreo' cookies.  This will give you the illusion that you are still doing something healthy.

2.  Pack up your three kids, dog and husband's things.  Be sure to put things in the wrong bags and forget some important items at home....especially the directions to all of the places you are going....this will increase your stress & anxiety, adding to the effects of the anti-cleanse!

3.  Be sure to give your toddler way too much sugar so that he is on the brink of insanity, then drink way too much coffee so that you truly feel slightly insane.

4.  When arriving at each destination, when your host asks if you would like a drink, accept their offer.  Make sure it is either alcohol or soda.  Throughout all of this continue to eat lots of chips and other snack foods.  Keep water levels to a minimum, except when extremely dehydrated in the middle of the night because of the alcohol you drank.  Then take advil!

5.  While at the hotel, forget your bottled water so that you are forced to drink water from the tap.  The chlorine won't taste good, but it will enhance the anti-cleanse effects.

6.  Continue to eat take out, fried chicken, pasta, and enjoy some beer at each event.

7.  At the hotel, begin each day by ordering a pot of coffee and pastries....oh and also a double order of bacon with your eggs.

8.  Wear uncomfortable heels that you have to chase your toddler in.  This will be your only exercise while on the anti-cleanse.  Do not do any yoga, stretching or exercise of any kind!

9.  Enjoy laughing and partying with your extremely FUN and AWESOME family!!  This will make all of the above well worth the journey!!

10.  Drive 5 hours in the rain back to Boston, wash ALL of the clothes, clean your fridge and buy your 'Clean' foods.  Now you are ready for the real cleanse:)

Tomorrow morning I begin without a cup of coffee....gulp....mmmm....this green tea sure is delicious:)